There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
