Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
