did you get engaged???
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
