oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
