having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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