I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
