she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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