Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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