If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
