Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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