Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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