How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
