If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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