I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
