Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
