Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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