He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
