i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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