I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
should my penis look like a turkey
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
