dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
