Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
