My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
