felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
