i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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