I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
