well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
