it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Green mimosas i think yes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I love you. Go after that dick
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
