Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
