True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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