I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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