You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
