just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
