She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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