Who did Billy Mays play for?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
