i barfeds in our rink
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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