The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
