so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
