matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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