yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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