the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
