I smell stomach acid.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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