You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
