i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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