I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
its liver damage thursday
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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