I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
