Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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