oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
