Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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