Where did you get a picture of my penis
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
