i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
