and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
